Going to A Garage sale = super fun……having a garage sale= super Suck.

I love a good garage sale. Stuff is crazy cheap. I mean….it doesn’t get much cheaper.
I forget one thing though, in my haste for cheapskate glory. Having a garage sale…..sucks like few things in life suck.
My sister had a sale over the weekend. I helped. A tiny bit. It just goes to show me how much it sucks for sellers!!

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Look and huge garage sale…lets spend some moola. Oh…and there’s my sister…hiding in the shade. Cause we be some PALE girls..and hot sunny days like this, it’s very possible we might burst into flames.

Customers beat us up on prices, pick at all your cherished worldly possessions like its garbage, turn their noses up at every one of your awesome beer mugs from vacation, and your quilt (that you adore) but it goes with nothing else you own. They hold up the awesome mirror that you lovingly painted (and now it doesn’t fit in the stupid spot you got it for!)…and they make a face…maybe even giggle to their super white trashy girlfriend (I don’t want to be mean..but we all know they are no taste, no class HOOKERS!). Well……I have had or helped with tons of garage sales over the years and every single time i forget how much it makes me want to throw up.
We are friendly ladies..my sister and I. We say Hello to everyone. Pet every dog. Smile and joke with every little kid. Answer all the stupid questions. If one more person asks if I have any fishing gear…I might hit them with one of the many fabulous throw pillows we are offering for sale. Don’t ask me about gold for sale..oh WAIT!!! I have a bucket of spare gold in the basement right next to my 1950s barbies and my diamond collection! All of which I was just dying to give to the first person who had the balls to ask!!! Please! By all means…..let me give you every valuable thing I own….and I’ll keep standing in the 90 degree heat and work my ass off selling Christmas decorations for fifty cents each. Yes. You can have them for 3 for a $1.
Now, when I go to sales…I’m friendly. I’m polite. I do all the required chit chat. If I’m interested in something….I don’t tell them everything thats wrong with it…..cause….duh…it’s in their garage sale…..I’m just spit balling here….just I bet they know whats wrong with it! If you want a lower price just ask nice! I know why your here…you know why I’m here…lets just be decent human beings here….and do this thing!
If someone doesn’t take my offer…thats ok..thanks anyways…have a lovely day! (enter polite line here……stay cool! Stay out of the rain! Enjoy this weather! Your dog is cute! …….see?? Polite!!)
Back to my sisters sale….poor thing had to drag the corpses of all her failed domestic dreams (who needs boob shaped cookie cutters…….I mean …funny and all….but REALLY needs them???). So …INTO the YARD! With all the electric turkey roasters and silverware that doesn’t match!

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You all thought I was kidding about the boob cookie cutter…..I don’t kid about stuff like that….no, no.

Also…our sales tend to be girly heavy…I mean lots of stuff for the ladies! No tools, sorry. No fishing crap…please stop asking. No motorcycle parts. But if you are looking for awesome silver lamps and brocade shower curtains….well…we are here for you! The whole idea is to clear out the house of stuff you don’t need right? Maybe (like me) your husband has instituted a strict one in,one out policy on glassware, art , pottery, and fabulous quilts! Whats a girl to do?
So….let’s sum up. Garage sales. Fun for shoppers…hell for sellers. Can’t we all just get along?
Got to go now…might just need some boob cookie cutters! You never know…one of my sons starts kindergarden and one starts high school in the fall. Mommy might feel the need to put some HILARIOUS cookies in their lunch bags!
Have a great day!

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My sister Jess. Making it rain…with a very small, sad stack of ones. Its the thought that counts right?

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